Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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