I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
