gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
