That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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