I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
