thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
