I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize