i permit you to call me
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
