i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
