A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
