it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
dude. I can hear the air.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
