bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
