you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
