I think my fart just growled at me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
