She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
