Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
