dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
