hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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