you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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