I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
how does that bad decision feel?
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