At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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