You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
