I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
