i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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