Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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