i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
