We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you inspire me to be a worse person
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
