it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
