Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
