i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
