she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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