Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
