Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
