i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
