glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
is wine microwaveable?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
