If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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