Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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