remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
