I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize