Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
