we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
