I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
