Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
