problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
