How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You smell like stripper and shame
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
