how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
