i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
