Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Randomize
