is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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