So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
