I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
