then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize