i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
