my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
