You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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