she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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