I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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