Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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