I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
