happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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