he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
