i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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