I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
