I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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