I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
