its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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