woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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