just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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