at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
