glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
