My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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