fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
