I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
