The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
