i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
