Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
