I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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