Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he laminated a picture of his dick.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize