I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize