so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize