Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
