I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
