I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
