Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
