I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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