He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize