I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
