Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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