he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
