Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
