I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
