Is it normal to miss your booty call?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
