Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
