omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
oh god the rape fog is back!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
