Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
