you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
