I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
