FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
