sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
